Reason # 10

Because pizza is not a character on Veggie Tales.

Now, Larry does sing ABOUT pizza in "Pizza Angel." Maybe that's why congress got confused?

However, you will note from this image that Pizza is indeed not included.  

Reason #9

Because if pizza is a vegetable, these guys are inevitably the next lunch ladies.

Now, at first this might not seem so bad.  School might even be fun again, and who knows, maybe the lunch line will even become a little educational? But flash forward to 5:28, and the fun gets kinda thrown up. Look, this is great for the weekends and all, but this is the future lunch line we're talking about.

I know all the soccer moms out there reading this are getting a little worried...as they should.

This is the future of the "pizza is a vegetable" policy nonsense.

Reason #8

Guest post by Jason Kerzer, PCOM's Nutrition in Medicine Club President.  Thanks Jason!

Pizza executive #1: “Hey #2, did you hear congress wants school kids to eat more vegetables?”

Pizza executive #2: “Yeah that’s going to be a problem for us.”

#1: “If only there was some way we could convince congress that spawning a generation of blubber children is good for the economy and will create jobs.”

#2: “Uh, #1, you’re an idiot. That would take too much effort on our part.”

#1: “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe if we made pizza out of corn, the government would have no choice but to endorse it.”

#2: “If we did that, there might not be enough corn for the cows.”

#1: “Cows sure do love corn.”

#2: “Indeed. Perhaps there might be some way to show them the pizza power?"

#1: “Pizza Party Politica 2011?”

#2: “I was thinking more along the lines of deceit.”

#1: “Ah yes, of course. Wait, I don’t understand.”

#2: “Of course you don’t, you worthless dipstick. If we can somehow make congress believe eating pizza has the same effect as eating a veggie, we could make this work.”

#1: “Does pizza have that thing in it that helps you go to the bathroom?”

#2: “You mean fiber?”

#1: “Is that what they call it these days? Yeah does it have any of that? Can we say it has that?”

#2: “No. But what we can do is tell them it already has a vegetable in it. Are you thinking what I’m thinking, #1?”

#1: “I don’t think they are going to fall for being told cheese grows in the ground, but it’s worth a try.”

#2: “The tomato paste, you pizza putz!”

#1: “LOLZ, that’s not a vegetable.”

#2: “Congress is not nearly as intelligent as you, #1. Maybe we can pull this off.”

Reason #7

Because my brother said so.

Guest post by my sophomore in college little brother Kyle. He's a total nerd studying bio-science and totally awesome.

"You don't need to have a graduate degree to understand the silliness of such a claim. Let's take lessons from a Logic 101 class and apply it to the situation. The pizza-is-a-vegetable people see the situation as follows.

Premise 1. Tomatoes are vegetables.
Premise 2. Vegetables are healthy. (This is considered to be a true premise by most self respecting health professionals.)
Premise 3. Tomato paste contains the ingredient tomato. 

               *Therefore, tomato paste is a healthy vegetable. 

Premise 4. Pizzas, in a traditional sense, contain tomato paste. 

               *Therefore, pizzas are healthy vegetables. 

So where did the pizza-is-a-vegetable people go wrong? Well, that would be in the first and third premise that tomatoes are a.) a vegetable and b.) tomato paste contains tomatoes, and tomatoes only. Truth is, tomatoes are fruits. Shocker, I know but it's true. Secondly, tomato paste contains a host of ingredients found nowhere near the vegetable section (or in this case the fruit section) of the food pyramid: some of course being sugar, salts, and various other preservatives that most dietitians would not recommend to be consumed on a regular basis. If anything, at the very bare minimum, tomato paste would be considered a twisted, mutated form of what is seen by the scientific community as a fruit."

Therefore, pizza is again, not a vegetable. Thanks Kyle!

Reason #6

Because no matter how hard you try, it won't grow in your 1st grade garden.... or any garden for that matter.

When I was in 1st grade, our class would take mini field-trips to the school garden.  We learned all about plants, what it took to make them grow, and even had the opportunity to plant some real vegetables ourselves.  Most importantly, we discovered where food really came from.  We bridged the gap in the food chain that continues to grow today where factories make the majority of our processed "food".  We grew our own produce including tomatoes and lettuce.  As a first grader, it was one of the coolest things we got to do and here's why.

1.) It was a FANTASTIC excuse to forgo addition and head outside to get filthy and play with worms.
2.) We learned what could happen if we worked together with nature to see what a seed can really turn into.

This new policy is an injustice to my first grade experience.  The innocence this policy ruins is heartbreaking.  It was so exciting to see how the elements of nature came together to produce something so bright and joyous and nurturing.  Our smiles beamed when we knew that together the sun, dirt and our care for the plants were what caused them to grow.

Pizza does not grow in a garden, and it is neither plant nor vegetable.  

Reason #5

If this seems odd to you, this is reason # 5.

Reason #4

Guest post by Pete Merzbacher.
Pete is the founder of NewGrowthGardens and is a fantastic role model for young people trying to change the world and for anyone who wants to find their inner green thumb. I was lucky enough to host him for a couple days last week and got to experience his fantastic cooking skills and aptitude for all things green.

"Pizza isn't a vegetable. Why?
Because if you put pizza in a compost bin, it breaks down differently than vegetables. If you don't believe me, try an A-B comparison. You shall see pizza gets really nasty."


Pete's got a point.